From F to F

Fariiiis…

Do you remember anything?

It’s me — the only one who calls you Fariiiis, and never lets anyone else call you that.

In 2008, my feet led me to the place where fate had decided I would meet you, at your shop. Back then, I had no idea that you would become my soulmate fares

I laughed with you. I grew attached to you. And I loved you, Fares.

I don’t know how I did it, or how I managed to stay by your side for all these years.
Eighteen years were enough for you to take the throne of my heart, and for your place in my life to become the widest place where I could hide all my pain, my sadness, and my happiness.
Just remembering you became enough to make me smile.
I remember how many times you held my hand when I was about to fall. How you held on to us, and how you protected what we had. How you make me feel when you wrap your arms around me. How you worry about me as if I were a piece of you.
To the point that I started trusting you more than I trust myself, Fares.
If I were given another eighteen years, I would choose to spend them with you.
You are the only person I want beside me in every version of myself: when I’m afraid, when I get home late, when I go to the doctor at six in the morning, when I help you wash the dishes, when I eat with you, when I hug you, when I rest my head on your shoulder.
I want you beside me in my happiness and in my laughter.
And I want one dance with you, Fariiiis.
I want to keep remembering you, even if one day the years separate us.
Someday, you will remember me and smile, and say:
“Ferial was my friend. Ferial loved me more than I loved her.”
Where I was in your heart doesn’t matter.
What matters is that I loved you. I love you. And I will keep loving you, even after we part fares.
Your arms were the narrowest place that somehow felt the most spacious.
So I could neither fit inside the narrow space, nor find a place for myself in the wide one.
With you, I experienced the greatest thing of all.
I learned that loving someone on my own can be the greatest feeling — because it is a feeling that belongs only to me, just as I loved you… only I loved you.
With love, Ferial ♡ Fares