Meatless BBQ Blues

[Verse 1]
I’m Dave, just a guy with a backyard grill,
Fourth of July, got the neighbors to thrill,
Set up the coals, but wait, somethin’s wrong,
They’re electric now—guess gas is a sin,
Got burgers to cook, but my wife’s got a plan,
“These ain’t beef, Dave, they’re sustainable, man.”

(sigh) ...Alright, let’s see how this goes.

[Chorus]
Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy,
Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy,
Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky,
Meatless BBQ, wave that flag and comply.

[Verse 2]
I flip a patty, smells like despair,
Tastes like cardboard with a bug-flavored flair,
Neighbor Bob says, “It’s good for the Earth,”
But his face looks like he’s questionin’ his worth,
Wife’s got a pamphlet from some green NGO,
Says cows are the devil, gotta let ‘em go.

(spoken) And that’s when I knew we were doomed.

[Chorus]
Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy,
Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy,
Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky,
Meatless BBQ, wave that flag and comply.

[Bridge]
I sneak a hot dog, real meat in my hand,
Hide in the shed, make my last rebel stand,
But the HOA drones spot me through the glass,
“Non-vegan alert! Fine his carnivore ass!”

[Chorus]
Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy,
Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy,
Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky,
Meatless BBQ, wave that damn flag and comply.

[Outro]
I miss real burgers, that smoky old flame,
George Washington’s ghost whispers, “Dave, I’m ashamed.”