Meatless BBQ Blues

[Verse 1] I’m Dave, just a guy with a backyard grill, Fourth of July, got the neighbors to thrill, Set up the coals, but wait, somethin’s wrong, They’re electric now—guess gas is a sin, Got burgers to cook, but my wife’s got a plan, “These ain’t beef, Dave, they’re sustainable, man.” (sigh) ...Alright, let’s see how this goes. [Chorus] Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy, Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy, Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky, Meatless BBQ, wave that flag and comply. [Verse 2] I flip a patty, smells like despair, Tastes like cardboard with a bug-flavored flair, Neighbor Bob says, “It’s good for the Earth,” But his face looks like he’s questionin’ his worth, Wife’s got a pamphlet from some green NGO, Says cows are the devil, gotta let ‘em go. (spoken) And that’s when I knew we were doomed. [Chorus] Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy, Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy, Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky, Meatless BBQ, wave that flag and comply. [Bridge] I sneak a hot dog, real meat in my hand, Hide in the shed, make my last rebel stand, But the HOA drones spot me through the glass, “Non-vegan alert! Fine his carnivore ass!” [Chorus] Oh, cricket and soy, what a patriotic joy, Grill’s hummin’ electric, ain’t no smoke for this boy, Founding fathers cry, watchin’ from the sky, Meatless BBQ, wave that damn flag and comply. [Outro] I miss real burgers, that smoky old flame, George Washington’s ghost whispers, “Dave, I’m ashamed.”