Verse 1: intimate, conversational]

Or maybe they did know—and that still circles through my mind
It's been months since it happened, but time hasn't made it small
I don't think about it every minute now
But I still feel it all

And the ones closest to me don't know the whole of what went on
I kept so much inside of me, so life just carries on
My loved ones talk about them, they see their faces
Never knowing what it does
While something in me tightens
Every time I hear those names

I don't know how to forgive this
I don't know if I can
I know what I've been taught about letting go
But my heart doesn't understand
How do you forgive when they're not sorry?
When they don't believe they were wrong?
Months have passed, the world moved forward
So why does the hurting hold on?

I wish that I could believe it
That someday I'll leave this all behind
But tonight the only truth is
Forgiveness feels too far to find

Someone I love still knows them well, still sees them all the time
And I can't tell them not to—I've left so much of it unsaid
I'd cross their paths from time to time, never thought I'd need to hide
Now even seeing just their names
Makes something hurt inside

There are pieces I have never shared
Even with the ones closest to me
Maybe keeping them protected
Means they can't completely see
Why I can't just put this somewhere
Why I can't call it the past
Why a wound that's months behind me
Can still cut this deep, this fast

So I live beside a story
That most people only partly know
They can keep on being close to them
While I'm the one who holds
Everything that really happened
Everything I never say
And every casual mention
Brings a little back that day

I don't know how to forgive this
I don't know if I can
I know what I've been taught about letting go
But my heart doesn't understand
How do you forgive when they're not sorry?
When they don't believe they were wrong?
Months have passed, the world moved forward
So why does the hurting hold on?

I wish that I could believe it
That someday I'll leave this all behind
But tonight the only truth is
Forgiveness feels too far to find

Something that once came easy
I'm trying harder now
I know I haven't lost it
It's just harder to feel now

Then one day I looked above
And asked for help somehow
And for a little while that day
It felt a bit easier then

It didn't fix what happened
It didn't make forgiveness come
But maybe I am being shown
I don't have to heal at once

I still don't know how to forgive this
And I won't pretend I do
I can't make my heart release a hurt
Just because I'm supposed to
I can't promise I'll forgive them
I can't see that day from here
I still ache when someone says their names
I still wish they'd disappear

But if I can still reach upward
When I can't find words to say
Maybe I don't need the whole road
Just enough for one more day

I don't know what comes after
Or if this hurt will fade away
I only know I'm still here
Trying to find my way

Maybe forgiveness isn't tonight
Maybe healing comes before
I don't know if I'll forgive them
I just know I'm hurting still

I don't know what comes tomorrow
I just know where I am