Cranking my hog

CRANKIN’ MY HOG

’90s Comedy Metal — 2:00

[Intro — Engine revving]

Leather on my back, got my zipper pulled high,
Got a one-man operation and a gleam in my eye!
Mama says get a girlfriend — I say, “Hell no!”
I got two hands ready and a hog to blow!

[Verse 1]

Shut the garage door, gonna work that shaft,
Got a bottle of lotion and a dirty little laugh.
Grip it like a throttle, give the handlebar a squeeze,
I’m my own pit crew, baby, doin’ what I please!

My buddies hit the bar, but I ain’t goin’ out,
I got some private business that I can’t talk about.
No date, no drama, no lovin’ from a queen,
Just me and my right hand and a magazine!

[Chorus — Huge guitars, shouted vocals]

I’M CRANKIN’ MY HOG!
Till I’m sweatin’ like a wild-eyed dog!
Stroke that shaft, let the pistons pound,
I’m the one-man pleasure king of this town!

CRANKIN’ MY HOG!
Got my own damn grease-monkey job!
Twist that throttle, let the good times roll,
I’m ridin’ solo till I lose control!

[Verse 2]

I got a death grip, baby, calloused hands of steel,
Know exactly where to squeeze to make that engine squeal.
My neighbor bangs the wall, says, “What’s that awful sound?”
I yell, “I’m tuning up my hog — quit snoopin’ around!”

I’m pumpin’ that handle, got the rhythm down pat,
When the tank runs empty, I just fall back flat.
Got a towel on standby and a cigarette to light,
Another satisfied customer in the garage tonight!

[Bridge — Spoken, then guitar kicks in]

Some guys ride two-up!
Some guys ride alone!
I take both hands to the handlebars
When I’m home alone!

[Final Chorus — Double-time drums]

I’M CRANKIN’ MY HOG!
Like a lunatic wrestlin’ a log!
Stroke that shaft, let the pistons pound,
I’m the self-love superstar of this town!

CRANK IT! PUMP IT!
GRIP IT TIGHT!
I’M MY OWN BEST DATE
ON A SATURDAY NIGHT!

[Outro — Engine sputters]

Well, boys…
I think I need an oil change.

And a new right hand.

BRRRAAAP! 🤘