The one that got away

I remember the first day
When I stepped into this world,
I remember the first time
When I tried you on.

I saw all the dreams
Of an eight-year-old girl
Standing right in front of me,
Like everything she ever wanted
Was finally within reach.

I had everything planned inside my head,
I already saw myself
With a stethoscope around my neck,
Talking about my future
Like I already had a clue.


I'm sorry for my eight-year-old girl,
'Cause I let all our bridges burn.
I'm sorry 'cause I couldn't keep
The promises I gave to her.

And I'm sorry
'Cause once again I disappointed you,
The little girl who looked at me
Like I could make every dream come true.

But my shame eats me alive,
And I wanna run so far away,
To a place where nobody knows my name,
Where nobody asks me
Why I couldn't stay.

Sometimes I wanna throw you away,
Hide you somewhere
I would never have to see.

But I can't.

Because you're everything
I've ever wanted in my life,
And maybe that's exactly why
It hurts me even more
Every time I look at you.

'Cause all I can think is—

I don't deserve you.

I don't deserve the white coat,
I don't deserve the dream,
I don't deserve the little girl
Who still believes in me.

But somehow, even now,
When I'm falling apart,
I still imagine your sleeves
Wrapped around my arms.

And maybe that's the cruelest part—

I never stopped loving you.
I just stopped believing
You could still belong to me.

So if there's another life,
Please find me again.
Find that little eight-year-old girl
Before she forgets who she's been.

Let her put that white coat on,
Let her wear it without fear,
Let her look into the mirror
And see that I am still here.

Tell her I didn't mean to leave,
Tell her I tried my best to stay,
Tell her I loved this dream so much—

I was just too scared
To watch it slip away.

And if in another life
I finally make you proud,
We'll stand together in white coats,
And I'll say it out loud:

You were never the one who got away.
I was just the one who almost let you go.